I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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