No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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