also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
