I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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