I wish my penis had an off switch
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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