we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
