Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
