remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize