I can tuck mytits in my pants
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
