Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
