I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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