you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
