Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
