this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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