Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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