Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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