his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
