Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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