My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
