last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
