weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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