I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
