i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
