I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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