I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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