woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
