You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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