one two three fourrrrnication!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
