New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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