Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
