maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
