I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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