you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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