I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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