Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize