WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
