there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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