saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize