yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
