dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
