Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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