it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
