Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize