As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
