And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
