He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize