why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
