What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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