My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize