Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
