somebody snuck up and got me drunk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
