They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize