dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
