Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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