Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
