2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
