My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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