Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
