You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
