I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
