is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
