I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
