me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
