She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
