My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
