as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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