I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
