I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
