I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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