i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
