Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
