If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
