where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
