only if we run a train.
done.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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