so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
