I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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