I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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