Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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