go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
