I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
