coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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