I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize