we have officially lost it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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