No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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