he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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