STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
