1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
