My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
