If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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