I wish you could order shots online.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
