"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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