I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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