I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
is it fun? or sober?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize